Simple Musings

Thursday, April 21, 2005

I often wonder why it took me so long to get wise. When I was a child, wisdom sprouted wings and flew right over my head. As a young adult, I already had as much as I needed! I didn't really have time when I was in the phase of raising kids and working. Now I have no such excuse to fall back on. I now realize that there are actually choices and that I can make up my own mind. I don't have to always follow the rules. I can wear purple!

I have heard the joke as to what's the difference between "crazy" and "eccentric". The answer was money. I totally disagree. I have won the right to be eccentric. In fact, I owe it to myself. If I want, I can wear sandals and socks. I can cut my own hair, I can "not" shop.

I am pretty much past worrying about what people think. I would much rather people would take me as I am. I am learning to see through the sometimes thick veneer of people that I don't even like! I need to get past outside appearances and have empathy with people just as I would like for them to do for me. Makes for a kinder world.

I no longer argue religion because I see good and bad in them all. But, as a rule, I feel that people believe what they hold as true. Who am I?! Deep down we all want the same things. To love and be loved. To be accepted and respected. I never really did argue about politics. Good way to lose friends and influence people!

So today, I can go out in my microscopic garden in my purple hat and pet my tomatoes and talk to my roses. I can sing out loud (as long as my neighbors don't complain). I can bake bread and make my own soap if I wish. I don't have to prove anything nor be sorry for who I am.

Ok, maybe it sounds like I am trying to convince myself a bit? True. My mind embraces all of these thoughts, but sometimes they play out a bit different, to be honest. But I do take more time to think about the important things, like petting the dog just because she is so sweet. A secret.......sometimes I take 2 naps a day!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Beauty into ashes

In the movie "South Pacific", Nellie, the eternal optimist, stands on the hillside plantation of Emille's and declares, "Gosh, it's beautiful here! All those white puffy clouds....." Emille brings her down to earth by saying, " or they could well be gunfire."

This exchange presented itself as I was wondering where the world was headed. I am not much of an optimist I will admit. There is too much man induced devistation taking place on our planet. We are literally turning beauty into ashes, perfection into waste. In a few short years of history we almost destroyed our own livelihood.

I am a creationist. I simply cannot believe that humans with such highly functioning brains and a totally balanced earth could have evolved from nothing. I believe there is a higher design. I believe the architech to be God, either he or she.

Nevertheless, we have taken something meticulous and are in the process of it's destruction. This is worse than sad. It is deadly. What will my grandchildren face? Or even my children for that matter.

Anyone that watches the news knows about global warming and it's effects. Also, we see the devouring race for world power. There is unsatiable greed that could possibly be the fuel that drives all of it.

I have been made to feel totally helpless in the face of terroristic actions. What control do I have over corporate (and personal) polution? Especially when it is being condoned by what we call a "democracy". I prefer the term capitalism as being more accurate.

Why are the powers that be wasting time condoning or poo-pooing breast implants? Women know the risks when the have it done. This is a personal decision and they need to be prepared to live with the results. Social Security is important. Nothing put talk (as a pacifier) has been done. Sure numbers and dates have been published. How could anyone feel that stats are always accurate? Numbers can be adjusted to reflect anything.

All of these things really trickle down to personal responsibility. Someone has
to take the fall whether he is guilty or not. That includes me. I have done (and still do) my part in the ruin, but I can control what I do. This may not be much in the grand scheme, but the more people I can influence the more manpower there is to build a dam to cut off the raging tide of "progress".

Will this be enough? Maybe not, but I will have done all I can do. If nothing else, I will honestly be able to say that I cared and more importantly, I tried.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I will have to move the cheese

We have had a tiny houseguest for a while, whom I will call Minnie. I hear her late at night when she thinks we are asleep, sneaking around trying to find the cheese!

I don't actually leave food out for the little bugger, but I am loathe to set a trap and I won't use poison. Yes, I know that the are nasty. I will have to find her entrance hole and plug it with steel wool to keep her out. I am in the process of looking now.

The other night she went on her scouting trip early. Her turf is under the dishwasher and the kitchen sink. She certainly was making no bones about trying to be quiet. I lightly stepped over and slowly opened the cabinet door and couldn't help laughing. She had found a piece of pizza crust that had missed the trash can and was furiously trying to get it back through the cut out for the diswasher hose. The problem was that the piece was turned sideways and was holding just like a toggle bolt. She was so busy that she didn't even know I was there. And like a cat hiding under a bed with her tail hanging out, she thought she was hid because she couldn't see me! I let her be and in the morning the crust was gone.

This made me wonder if, in my secrecy and haste, I had been as obvious as she at times. We all do things when we think no one is looking. Things we probably shouldn't. Like taking the last piece of cheese and swearing the mouse ate it.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Gentle Spring Morning

I awoke this morning to a quiet thunder and the sound of rain patting the grass. Ah, a day of quiet puttering and reading. Rainy days were made for this. This, and a bit of self exploration.

Last night, as I lay waiting to sleep, I decided to become mainly vegetarian and stop ruining my heath with refined sugars. This morning I pondered it a bit more to decide whether this was a midnight ramble or, in fact, a valid decision. The idea still held true, so today I will plot out this life change. This will be a lifestyle, not a whimsy, because it is time for me to take care of myself. I have used Dale and Gramps as an excuse since they are not interested in this plan whatsoever....but not good enough! I suppose that subconciously I wasn't ready for this until now. I will make a few exceptions for holidays.

Dale set the potted plants out this morning for the rain to water naturally. This is a nice treat after chorinated water. I am sure that my roses and peonies are happy. The rain came at a wonderful time since our garden should start sprouting any day. This is our first venture into a real garden...our little backyard project. Hopefully we will have tomatoes, okra, carrots, cucumbers, watermelons, cantelopes, squash and beans. Maybe it will grow in spite of our loving gestures.

I have (more or less) cleaned the house over the last few days. Today I can spend time doing what I want to do. Yes, I will read, move a few things around, crochet a few inches on my purse project. I must plan something warm and yummy for supper.

Back to my cup of tea................

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Turning the Page

I will be half a century old tommorrow. How did this happen? Was I asleep? Fifty is not necessarily a magical number, just a milestone that we humans seem to need to keep track of life segments. Time to reflect and regroup.
Watching internal slide shows of the past is not always pleasant. Good times and bad, though, need to be viewed in order to learn and plot out the second half of the book. Do I need a change the ending? Can I ? Maybe.
The first half of my life has been spent growing up, raising children.....doing what I thought was proper for others. There is certainly nothing wrong with this, except, where did "I" go? I have forgotten who I am. I know that this is certainly not a new phenomenom, but it is a shame.
I have spent my time wondering: should I be smarter, be prettier, be richer. As I actually wrote this, I began to notice a pattern. I have concentrated on intelligence, looks, and wealth, but I missed the main part of the sentence. The word "be". It is glaring at me now! What a revelation! And what a waste of precious time.
I have all of the time in the world now. I can do something about "pattern thinking". I am smart enough. I made it this far didn't I? Yes, I made some awful mistakes. I have paid and learned from them. I look like I am supposed to look (what a concept!), and I have all that I need. That only leaves the tiny word "be". That shouldn't be so hard, right? We all know better.
It is extremely difficult to silence the productions of our brain. People demanding. Bills waiting. The unexpected occuring. Life fast-forwarding by. Pause! The most important control in the universe. Take the time to breathe. I don't really have to sort it all out. Most of the things we actually worry about will take care of themselves, so worry just slows down the process. Since I don't really have fifty more years, I don't really need the interference. The show must go on..................... and I am not the understudy anymore!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Life as it is

Most of us spend too much time "being someone" instead of simply being. I have discovered that being is the preferred path. An authentic spirit is one that is in tune with reality. Intentional, conscious living is not always easy, but is honest and honorable.

Recognizing reality was born in each of us, but somewhere along the way we have been reprogrammed to hide feelings, distrust instincts, follow a trampled and sometimes ugly path. We cannot follow someone else's dream because eventually resentent will creep inside and smoulder until we cannot see through the smoke. Being what and who we are will take us down a new and genuine trail. The word trail seems to indicate adventure. There are new experiences and discoveries on either side.

Individuals have the privilage of being true to themselves, but not to the detriment of other beings. Kindness and compassion should be the rule. The earth should be better for our having been there.

This is my journey....far from perfection, but with good intentions.